Anti-climactic

  I am going to start out with a warning: This Follows No Logical Order. If you are looking for a coherent post, do not even attempt to read this.

So here it is folks, the 100th post. I've been putting it off for a while, because I couldn't find something worthy enough of what I thought, in my own little head, the 100th post should be. Should I post about LotRO? Sims 3? Prince of Persia? Some other game I've never posted about? What about D&D? That made a promising couple of appearances, right? I even took some screenshots of a few games in preparation of this momentous post in preparation (I was trying to map out my post, but it never panned out. I could throw them all at you, without any context. In fact, I'll do that, to confuse those readers who only scan).

In all fairness, I suppose I'm having a hard time coming up with something to post because, in a way, I've been reconsidering my gaming habits as of late. Most of you mature people, especially my father, will probably rejoice at that statement. Its not that games have lost any of their appeal. Quite the opposite. They still intrigue me, but with work and becoming an 'adult' (blech, as if anyone ever wants to be one of those), my free hours are becoming increasingly precious, and when the choice comes between gaming and taking care of housework (because, newsflash, owning a house takes much more sweat equity than an apartment), unfortunately, housework has been winning as of late. Except today, when the weed-eater wouldn't start, so no yardwork for me today yay!


I'm also finding that my eyesight is getting older at a frustratingly exponential rate, and reading a book is much less stressful than raiding. I am the last member of my immediate blood family who does not have some sort of corrective eye wear, and the stubborn part of me refuses to get my eyes checked out of the fear that I might need something and my bastion of perfect eyesight will crumble away. Not sure if bastion was the right word there. 

 There's also the whole, unspoken but totally felt every day, nagging guilty feeling known as, I-was-an-English-major-so-I'm-obligated-to-read-books thing. I am running out of unread books on my shelf. This is a good thing? That, and it's NaNoWriMo. Not that November's ever helped before. Haven't finished a thing yet. Yes, I am writing a book. Slowly. Every year I promise I will have a book done by the next Christmas. It never happens. I am a liar, I suppose. Not that anyone cares. If anyone's still reading at this point I applaud you for for your persistence, and mourn the thought that if this is entertaining to you, you are more starved than I.

Thunderpig!

Regardless, I am still a gamer, there is no doubt about that (or there might be, and perhaps this post, this very blog, is nothing but my own attempt to self-validate a worthless, time-consuming and destructive habit). It is the nature of life, I suppose, to move away from things, to change and grow and move forward. Am I becoming one of those gasp! casual gamers? Stars above forbid. Heaven knows I'd be healthier if I wasn't convincing myself that sitting before a computer for multiple hours a day was a good thing. My rear end is testament to that, if nothing else gave it away before now. I have gained twenty pounds since my wedding day, and looking back, I know exactly what did it. Heck, I knew what was doing it as it was happening. I was knowingly being self-destructive. While I may not be any heavier than I have ever been (I am at my top weight, but I've been here lots of times), the thought that I can do better, I'm just not, is frustrating.

However, with Sims 3 taking up more of my gaming time as of late than the dungeons of LotRO, and with DnD relegated to a once-a-month-if-that thing, and with console gaming pretty much non-existent out of courtesy to my husband, and Lore-mastering with Squid dropping dramatically due to her college schedule, I find myself with little other than casual games left to fill the tiny gaps in free time that beg for entertainment. Especially since the book I'm struggling through at the moment keeps putting me to sleep. Why is it always the fifth book in a series that is the most boring???

Thoughts of starting a family are beginning to loom on the horizon, and with those thoughts come conflicting reports. Most people with children agree that with babies comes absolutely zero time for video-games, but a few have said that nap-time and nursing make for the perfect time to raid. Erm, who is right? Picturing myself breast-feeding while raiding is awkward.

I have always wanted to picture myself, my future self, as some sort of bohemian earth-mother with a lush garden in a wild, woodsy setting and naked children romping about in the yard, chasing each other with sticks. That dream doesn't leave much room for any type of video games, whether raider or casual. Honestly, how many women could get up in the morning, practice some yoga, indulge in a quiet cup of tea, cook breakfast for the family, spend time each day taking care of them and the house (which includes the never-ending mountain of laundry, which has a daily respawn), and then end each day with 3+ hours of gaming? I don't believe there are enough hours in the day. Something has to give. I just wish it wasn't this.

Perhaps that's why coming to grips with starting a family is beginning to wear on me. I want children, I believe God put me on this earth to be a mother, (now for the inevitable-) but, I also enjoy gaming far too much to simply drop it. Is it an addiction? I know many games are developed and marketed for their addictiveness, usually because continuing to play them also requires that you continue to pay for them.



Maybe this is me learning to deal with my stupid sense of leet-ness. For a long time, I was a casual gamer in full, and the thought of stepping into a raid was some lofty, unattainable thing. Then I was introduced into raiding by a very dear friend, and became aware of how much of the game I was missing. I also, as a by-product, learned my class better. Then, over time, I found myself looking down on people who did not raid. "Look at them, ewww. The soloers. The casuals. The non-raiders." (S'funny, I never said "Eww, the rp-ers.") Now I find myself without time, even without children, and I am being forced back into solo/casual mmo-ing. I am what I once was, and what I, more recently, placed myself above. Is this being put in my place?

I am ending my hundredth post here. No climax, no point, no solid ending. Sorry to disappoint.

Also sorry that you were expecting something in the first place.