So I finally did it.I cancelled my lotro sub.
And yes, I shed a couple tears before I hit that green button. Does that mean I take the game too seriously? Does that mean I have no life? Probably.
Do I care? Yes.
We can't justify paying for three mmo subs right now, and with SW:TOR still pretty fresh on our plates, lotro, being the old, worn out, flataslastweek'snewspaper game, it had to go.
So why was it so hard for me to cancel? I've waited weeks to do this. I've wanted to find a way around it. I considered using Christmas money to pay for another year's sub. I considered all sorts of things to scrounge up the money to pay for another year's sub. In the exit survey, one of the questions asked was "what can we (Turbine) do to bring you back to Lotro?" I put in that they could give me a free lifetime sub if they wanted, because honestly, there is nothing wrong with their game (or wrong enough to drive me away).
I just don't have the time (or, more importantly, the money) to keep paying for it.
I guess it is all the time I have put into the game over the years that is killing me. All the fun memories I have of running things with Squid. The friends I've made - who thankfully, have moved around with me to other games (I'm looking at you, Minecraft and SW:TOR, and yes, even you, stupid Tanks).
I think my biggest fear in hitting that green button was that this felt like a betrayal to Indrabar. She's been with me for so long, and hey, it is an rpg, after a while it does begin to feel like that pixelated thing on the screen is a part of you, and that you really did defeat Mordirith or clear out Sammath Gul or down a dragon or two.
It feels like a betrayal because there was no Indrabar in SW:TOR yet, and there probably won't be, because, as my husband once said when I was creating my character for that short stint in SWG, - "It's not a very Star Warsy name. It just sounds, well, elvish." So, for SWG, I went with Tsuka, and Tsuka is now in SW:TOR.
Tsuka was also in Skyrim, instead of Indrabar. A psychologist might say that two personalities are fighting for control.
Yes, I know it is just a game.
Yes, I am a sane, mature adult. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have cancelled.
Just because I am an adult though doesn't mean I have to be happy about the choices we are sometimes forced to make.
Well, here's to the 20th, and whatever changes that will bring to Indrabar and the rest of my lotro characters. Hopefully they won't all just poof into thin air. Hopefully I won't cry like an idiot again.
Maybe now I can have a real life, you know, in the real world.
If I was able, I would give Indrabar permission to punch me in the face for just metaphorically indefinitely locking her in a dark cell with no chance of sunlight or ever seeing her forty-nine horses and three goats again..
3 comments:
Oh do I know these feelings well. I can vouch for them all, dear. I so enjoyed kicking around & throwing out the innuendos along with laughing with people online, sometimes till I literally passed over that line to sobbing in my tears of crying laughter. I loved my online friends as if they were physically there & each time I turned off the game to sleep fitfully, I felt abandoned. I needed real life friendships. It was all or nothing. Now that I am no longer a "gamer" I get my housework done more often, I'm even making bread several times a week! I do still play the occasional Sims, Scrabble or Family Feud but they don't consume me the same as my beloved avatars in my MMORPG (wow my phone's auto-fill knew that abbreviation). I applaud you for your feelings & such a wonderful rambling! I wish I could hug you. I will always be Gma. <3
Oh my goodness, you come by it honest. I cried when my cat on Sims 2 died. Remember? We kind of get wrapped up in it. And if I'd known you wanted that as a present I could've done that instead of Lowe's.
Oh well, now you can write and bead and garden...if you don't spend too much time on Star Wars.
Love you!
Thank you mrs Sue! I will still ramble, and hopefully Indy will find a new home, I just feel weird having the blog named after Indrabar and not really having an active Indrabar at the moment!
I didn't want a lotro sub for Christmas, mom :) It was a fleeting thought to spend Christmas money on it, but I spent the money instead on more useful, or more long-lasting things. I am trying to be responsible. And I will move on, and Indrabar will evolve, like she should. At least, I hope she should. The Lowe's stuff we needed - and I thank you tremendously for that. When Marchish rolls around you need to come help me plant things in our new garden :)
Love you!
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